How to respond to criticism
Condensed version
Explained to Sarah that the ability to accept constructive criticism is a strength that can help her make positive changes in her life, but that not all criticism is constructive. Advised her that when someone offers criticism, her most important goal should be to hear everything they have to say. She should not interrupt them or allow herself to become distracted by thinking about what she is going to say next. Only when she has fully heard the other person out should she respond. If valid examples were given, she should thank the person for their concern and express her desire to make changes. If no examples were provided, she should ask for them. If the other person cannot provide specific examples and she feels their criticism is undeserved, she should still thank them for their concern, but explain that she feels their criticism is unfair and tell them why. Modeled doing this in a respectful manner, using non-threatening body language, a calm tone of voice, and providing specific examples that illustrated why I felt the other person’s criticism was unwarranted.
Full version
Session 1: Began today’s session by explaining the benefits of being able to accept constructive criticism. Explained that it can help us learn from our mistakes, benefit from the feedback of others, improve relationships, and gain experience in conveying ideas and expressing opinions in an appropriate way. Suggested to John that he think of constructive criticism as an opportunity to grow and learn. Reminded him that we all make mistakes and we can all use improvement in some areas. Modeled a scenario in which I was being criticized for not cleaning up my workspace. Explained what I was focusing on in each step of my demonstration. My first goal was to remain calm while I listened to the criticism. This is important because remaining calm will make it easier for me to respond to criticism, answer questions, and possibly accept the criticism. Modeled breathing slowly and deeply as a way of doing this, but told John he could use whatever method worked best for him, as long as it didn’t distract him from what the other person was saying. Explained that above all else, my goal should be to hear what the other person has to say. It’s important that I not interrupt their criticism with rude comments. Only once the person has expressed their criticism in its entirety should I try to address it. Ended the session by praising John for participating and explained that next week, we will talk about how to respond to criticism.
Session 2: Reviewed last week’s session. Highlighted the importance of hearing everything the other person has to say before responding, not interrupting them, and using techniques such as deep breathing to stay calm while allowing the other person to express their opinion. In today’s session we talked about how to respond once we have heard everything the other person has to say. I pointed out that some people who offer constructive criticism give only general feedback and use broad or vague words such as “poor” or “disappointing”. This can make it hard to understand what they are telling us. Suggested to John that he ask for specific examples. Modeled doing this in a respectful way, then explained how I would think about and respond to what I heard. If the other person provided valid feedback, I would express appreciation and be enthusiastic about my willingness to use their suggestions to make positive changes. Modeled this for John also. Praised him for participating and explained that next week, we will discuss how to respond when criticism does not seem fair.
Session 3: Reviewed the skill of listening and responding to constructive criticism that we covered last week, then discussed how to respond when people cannot provide specific examples and their criticism may not be deserved. Explained to John that in this situation, I would still thank them for their concern, but would explain that I felt their criticism was unfair and tell them why. Modeled doing this in a respectful manner, using non-threatening body language, a calm tone of voice, and providing specific examples that illustrated why I felt their criticism was unwarranted. Explained to John that sometimes, even when he is given specific examples, he may still be unsure whether the criticism is valid and may need more time to think. In those situations, he should thank the other person for their suggestions and tell them he plans to think about what they have said. Ended the session by praising John for participating and framing the ability to accept criticism and make self‐improvements as a strength many people did not have, that he should be proud of having.